Buddhism

     The first time I remember hearing he word Buddhism was probably in school.  I remember my parents always being open-minded about religion but I immediately discounted any religion without God, the Almighty Father and Jesus Christ, his only son.  I had a sense of a lesser faith if those simple things weren't even acknowledged.  I was forming the foundation for my spiritual growth.  My parents did an amazing job of keeping all avenues open.
     I lived near an Air Force Base so we had all kinds of Catholics, Assembly of God, Baptists, Jehovah's Witness, Mormons--even Mennonite and Amish.  Those came from the rural areas, not the Base.  When I took confirmation as a 13-year-old, we attended a Catholic mass (which I had done before).  I loved the church and the ceremony, the smells, the robes the beauty of it was breathtaking but I didn't feel the spirit, I wasn't moved.  So off to the Jewish bar mitzvah.  The boy was cute, I remember that and being so insanely bored I could barely stand it.  It seemed very strange to me but I did feel a sense of importance.  I had been to bible schools and activities at Christian Churches and Baptist churches.  I also attended a black church once.  That was an experience.  I loved it there but realized it wouldn't be the same for me there.  I am way too inhibited to fit into that sort of a service.
     I was a praise leader for a while in our contemporary service at the Methodist church.  That was fun and sometimes I felt connected to the spirit...but not to the people as much.  It seems to me, when praying in church, it is with such vigor, it feels forced.  I prefer to open up and listen and that makes it awkward to be the one chosen to give a prayer.  Prayers did not flow from my lips the way it does from my Dad's or my Mom's, Grandma's, Grammy's.  At this time in my life I was pregnant with my son and starting my family.  My daughter was 5-7 years old and my husband was baptized at the church, we were married and had our son, Will.  It was a beautiful leg of my journey and I remember it fondly.  One of the big aha moments of my life came during that time.  It wasn't, however, nearly as powerful as the one I had when I was 13...more on that later!

A Christian Girl's Study of Buddhism

I came into this world a daughter of Christians.  Lots of them.  I was raised a Methodist by moderately liberal (my opinion, of course) parents.  I loved growing up in the church and have memories of this feeling, when I was little, of it being a literal family.  Not just a church family.  I don't know when that distinction was made in my mind, maybe I will figure that out as I study Buddhism.  My earliest memories are of Easter dresses with ruffles and bells and lilies and Grandma Hall's voice during hymns.  I remember the look on the congregation's face as we, the lambs, the angels, cherubs in His flock; sang and lit candles and praised the Lord.  I grew up, experienced my first loss of a loved one, accepted Jesus Christ as my personal savior, was confirmed and became a member; in my own right, of the Methodist Church.  My membership still lies with the Methodist Church and I still consider myself a Christian and talk to Jesus daily.  I believe in God as our Creator and that Jesus is his Son.  I also believe we are evolved.  I also believe in a need for such a thing as religion so people, for the most part, will behave.  I think it has grown grotesquely misshapen over centuries of manipulation by powerful people.  In a way all of these stories from all of these religions once were pure and holy.  As the first teacher told the first lesson the intention was there, to enlighten, to answer questions, to inspire.  These philosophical hills make me crazy and I look for the bridges all the time.  There haven't been any forthcoming thus far so I am taking it upon myself to build one.  Starting with Buddhism.  Buddhism because I find it beautiful and familiar.  I enjoy yoga for exercise.  The religion embraces all aspects I prioritize highly in my life.  Buddhism because I wonder if I am a Buddhist as well as a Christian or instead of a Christian.  I am staying with as well as as long as I can.  Christianity is my foundation.  My roots still grow there.  My awe of God only multiplies and my relationship with Jesus only becomes more detailed the more I learn and breathe.  With every moment I acknowledge and recognize I become curiouser and curiouser about all of it; and more gracious.  I want to learn when we became aware.  Of humanity.  I want to learn when I became aware of the distinction between church and life.  When did I start seeing the holes?  These are my questions and here is my search for the answers.